Hamburgler Chili

"Fucking McDonald," Hamburglar said to himself
"Fucking shit McDonald," as he took out his very large pan. One fit for a large pot of stew or chili.
"He'll never get me with those fucking pink slime burgers again. Josh gave me this fucking radical ass recipe for chili so fucking good I don't have to bother anymore, fuck."
He put [1lb of Ground Beef] into the pan, and turned the heat on [Low Heat;2]. He let it warm up and start cooking a little while he watched Tim and Eric videos on youtube.
"Ha, fucking food is poison kids always act like that," he began to cut [One Whole Onion] into thin slices, some so thin that they were see-through. He heard the meat sizzle and started to cut it with the dipping spoon, making sure to leave [big chunks] and not cut them too small. He finished browning the chili though there might have been a little red left on some pieces, continuing to cut the onion and [tossing bits of onion in while it browned]. He popped open [Exactly Two (2) Cans of Progresso Brand Hearty Tomato soup or otherwise Tomato Soup], the kind with a little basil in it and dumped them on top of the meat and onion. He let it cook a little [before stirring] and chopped more onion. He stirred the pot after a bit and put one can of [Red Gold Brand Diced Tomatoes or otherwise Tomato Chunks, Bigger but Not Large] in and stirred some more. He then put around [1tbsp, roughly two good shakes and a small one of Cinnamon] in, because it is so sweet he then added [Celery Seed, roughly 1tsp], [Sage, roughly 1tbsp], and to finish with the spices he added [Celery Flakes, several shakes] and about [1tbsp Chili Powder] in. He finished chopping the onion and stirred it [regularly, still on low heat] after the onion was in.
"This is going to be so fucking good. This is going to be so fucking good every bitch in town will suck my cock for chili. I'll be known as the chili-fucker after this and no one, not even fucking shit McDonald and his fucking hamburgers will ever stop me. Never."
He grabbed three dehydrated [Cayenne Peppers] and chopped them into tiny bits, then tossed them into the chili. He had to cook it until it [boiled], but to make sure it was the proper temperature and mixed the flavors together properly he made sure to cook it [until it boiled roughly five seconds after stirring]. Being on low heat, this took a while.
"Fucking shit McDonald." The chili was done, and he poured some into a bowl. It smelled like cinnamon throughout the kitchen and the chili was irresistibly sweet, and only hot enough at the end of the sweetness. When he caught a chili pepper it made him appreciate the next bite of sweet pussy chili. He finished two bowls.
"I feel better, thanks Josh."
No, thank YOU Hamburglar, thank YOU.

To make an amazing dip out of this you can also use [Tortilla Chips] like any salsa, [Tostito's Brand Scoops] also work really well for holding the big chunks like Josh's hand on a fat ass. You can sprinkle [Grated Cheese] over the top of the chili after it is heated to make a nacho dip [to taste]. This chili is guaranteed to make you feel better about yourself and attract lots of pussy, unless you're a nigger, all niggers die.